<vashti> he's more polite to his patients than he is people in general.
<Phoebonica> I can see that, yeah...
<vashti> it seems the sort of thing - idk, something that would be salt in the wound for teru, to some extent?
<Phoebonica> yeah, I'd think so. he'd feel patronised, even if he knew better. :/
<vashti> and - huh, back home, he spent so much time working that he largely *was* his professional-fu
<Phoebonica> like 'I'm not made of glass', you know?
<vashti> sometimes he'd be alone with ryuk and he'd be colder and more cynical
<vashti> *nodnodnod* yep, exactly.
<vashti> but it's like canon light. masks over masks over masks.
<vashti> how he is with ryuk. how he is with his patients. and how he is with his colleagues, which is another mask laid over the professional one.
<vashti> and then what's beneath it all.
<Phoebonica> :/ anty.
<vashti> possibly even how he sees himself, the way Kira-the-god is canon!light's own self-facing mask
<vashti> but for anty, I think - huh, it probably does tie into the death note.
<vashti> he can do what other people won't.
<vashti> or can't.
<vashti> it's an aspect of his practice that is uniquely his own. which he's convinced is right.
<vashti> (sound familiar?)
<Phoebonica> just a bit.
<vashti> and ... honestly, I don't know that what he does is evil.
<vashti> it's not tied up in narcissism but in a genuine wish to help. I think the power scares him.
<vashti> like, I know the first time he did it, it was a kid who'd fallen in the fire
<vashti> which happens a lot :/
<vashti> serious, serious burns. they can't be saved. they're going to last a few days and die in agony.
<vashti> there *is* pain relief, but it's so carefully rationed, like everything they have
<vashti> and ... yeah :/
<vashti> and he did agonise about it.
<vashti> at the end of the day, he is a good guy. it just ... takes the end of the world to make something of him. ;p
<vashti> to shake him out of his self-centredness. and for all that he does do good, he does help, it's still all about him, in a way
<vashti> he works nonstop to anaesthetise himself
<vashti> he helps, but it's because he can't fix things on a larger scale. and he still wants to, it's what he's doing in the mansion, but back in the camp there's never time. it's something he thinks about doing and works towards